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AuthorJoke
john

u.k
2001-07-15 18:07:02

what do you get if you cross an anteater with a vibrator?

An armadildo!!

dave

engerland
2001-07-15 18:02:37

paddy starts work on a building site.the foreman sez "paddy i want u to supply that brickie over there with cement all day 4 that wall he's building.heres your wheelbarrow dont fuck up coz youre on a one day trial"so paddy does as he is told and works his balls off.at the end of the day the foreman asks paddy how it went.well it was ok but i think theres something wrong wiv me barrow.the foreman asks why so paddy tells him that when he pushes the barrow it goes er,er,er,er(squeaks).the foreman sez right youre sacked.why sez paddy?coz that wheelbarrow is supposed to go er,er,er,er,er,er,er,er,(squeaks faster)
thankyou and i didnt nick that off royston vasey(thats chubby to all u thick fuckers who dont know the worlds greatest comedians real name)
dave

england
2001-07-15 16:47:08

what do u get if u cross a jehovahs witness and a hells angel?
someone who knocks on your door and tells u to fuck off
t`northern romeo

oop north
2001-07-15 00:12:33

Q; what have George Michael & Louise Woodward got in common?
A; they both couldn`t wait to get back in Elton.

it was all a big misunderstanding when Sarfraz asked Johnathan Woodgate & Lee Bowyer for a "kick about".

a few years ago i farted & i swear my arse said "POL-POT" to my amazment the very next day i heard about the death of the former "camaer rouge" leader ,on the news. Whilst in the bath last night i again "let one go".......it`s not looking good for Edward Woodward! (stolen from a very old copy of VIZ)
t`northern romeo

oop north
2001-07-15 00:02:02



Question......"if i let Jesus into my life, will it affect my council tax?"

This mong goes to an ice-cream van and asks for a cornet. "what flavour?" asks the ice-cream man. "it doesn`t matter.....i`m gonna drop the fucker anyway!" says the mong.

what is Japanese womens favorite day?.....Election day!!
t`northern romeo

up north
2001-07-14 23:53:03

what do you call a charming Paki?...........Azif

Louise Woodward has moved into a new flat.It`s cheap but you couldn`t swing a kid in it!

What did Michael Jackson say to Gary Glitter??....."you couldn`t change a "ten" for two "fives" could you?"

When is it Gary Glitters bed time? ......when the big hand touches the little hand!!

how many Paki`s does it take to change a light bulb?.....FUCK IT! LET`S RIOT!!!!
Matthew

UK
2001-07-14 20:22:23

What did one TAMPAX say to the other TAMPAX?

Nothing, "they are both stuck up bitches!"
pornstar

galapagus isles
2001-07-14 15:50:47

why are women married in white???
to blend in with the other kitchen apliances

did you hear about the bloke who fucked a deaf and dumb
girl? he then broke all her fingers so that she could'nt
tell her mum and dad what he'd done!!!

what happened when moby dick got a hard on??
they sent (four skin) divers down

what do you call a lesbian dinosuar?
a LICKOLOTOPUS
mollsie

2001-07-14 00:34:32

agrees with thundercloud . I like a laugh but the pakistani ones are not even funny just racist. I am irish and dont mind stupid irish people jokes but the pakistani ones are horrible.
Thundercloud

UK
2001-07-13 23:10:11

Hey people, some great jokes on here but any chance of a joke without any racism?
pornstar

galapagus isles
2001-07-13 22:10:08

did your hear about the blonde who thought head cleaner was
a porno about blow jobs

how does micheal jackson pick his nose?
from a catalogue

is it true barrymore wears y backs

did you hear about the gay milkman,he never leaves an empty
behind!!!

There once was a man called kieth,
who circumsised men with his teeth,
it was'nt for leisure,or sexual pleasure,
but the taste of the cheese underneath.

what do you get after 5 days of wanking??
a WEEKEND
ADE

2001-07-13 17:19:10

A HUSBAND TURNS ROUND TO HIS WIFE AND SAYS DO WE LIVE IN A LIGHT HOUSE ? NO WHY ? REPLYS HIS WIFE. BECAUSE EVERYTIME THE PHONE RINGS I PICK IT UP AND SOME BLOKES KEEPS ASKING IF THE COAST IS CLEAR.
Top joke

England
2001-07-12 23:46:53

The father was in the kitchen playing marbles when one of the bastards got stuck up his nose. Wondering what to do the wife then said go and ask george to get it out he's got skinny fingers. By the way george is the daughters boyfriend. So the father openes the front room door and shouts 'george'. george then jumps up from the sofa and shouts what. by the way he jumped up from on top of the daughter.the father then says erm i heard u got skinny fingers, u couldnt give us a hand gettin this basterd marble out of my nose could ya. yey no probs. well when he gets it out the wife says to george uv got a good pair of hand what do you want to be when your older. the father then interrups and says 'BY THE SMELL OF HIS FINGERS ARE FUCKIN SON IN LAW'
mike strappon

U.K
2001-07-12 11:47:21

LOUISE WOODWARD IS NOW WORKING AT BURGER KING. EVERY BABY GETS A FREE SHAKE!!!!!!
BEAST

ENGLAND
2001-07-12 09:46:37

VIAGRA IS NOW ONLY BEING SOLD OVER THE COUNTER AT CHEMISTS.
CUSTOMERS MUST USE THE PROPER CHEMICAL NAME,

MYCOXAFLOPPIN.
Mike Strappon

U.K
2001-07-12 09:33:38

There were three dogs at the vet and they were in
the lobby chatting (In dog language, of course)
Anyways, the first dog looked over at the second
and said "What are you here for?" " I pee on
everything, I pee on the floor, on the couch, on
the bed, I pee! "What are they going to do?" says
dog one to dog two "Put me on Prozac to try to
calm me down. "Oh, said dog two." "What are you
here for?" says dog two to dog one. " I poop on
everything, I poop on the floor, on the couch, on
the bed, I am a pooper! "What are they going to
do? says dog two to dog one, "Put me on Prozac to
try to calm me down. "Oh, said dog one. Dog three
was sitting at the end, smiling and looked happy
as ever. Dogs one and two looked down and
together said "What are you here for?" Oh, me, I
am a huncher, I hunch the couch, hunch the
pillows, my owner was bent over on the bathroom
floor one day and I hunched her, I am a
huncher! "Let me guess" said the dogs, "Prozac to
calm you down!" "NO" said dog three, "I am
getting my nails clipped!"
Mike strappon

U.K
2001-07-12 09:32:02

There were three dogs at the vet and they were in
the lobby chatting (In dog language, of course)
Anyways, the first dog looked over at the second
and said "What are you here for?" " I pee on
everything, I pee on the floor, on the couch, on
the bed, I pee! "What are they going to do?" says
dog one to dog two "Put me on Prozac to try to
calm me down. "Oh, said dog two." "What are you
here for?" says dog two to dog one. " I poop on
everything, I poop on the floor, on the couch, on
the bed, I am a pooper! "What are they going to
do? says dog two to dog one, "Put me on Prozac to
try to calm me down. "Oh, said dog one. Dog three
was sitting at the end, smiling and looked happy
as ever. Dogs one and two looked down and
together said "What are you here for?" Oh, me, I
am a huncher, I hunch the couch, hunch the
pillows, my owner was bent over on the bathroom
floor one day and I hunched her, I am a
huncher! "Let me guess" said the dogs, "Prozac to
calm you down!" "NO" said dog three, "I am
getting my nails clipped!"
Mike Strappon

England
2001-07-12 09:25:25

What do you call a guy with a truck load of sheep driving to Wales?

- A PIMP

------------

A Paki and a Black man jump out of a plane, which one hits the ground first?

- The Black Man cos the Paki is a shade lighter.
4GOT

INDIA
2001-07-12 08:30:47

WHAT DO U CALL A INDIAN SHEEP SHAGGER???????????????? RAM A LAMB HA HA HA HA HA
4GOT

ENGLAND
2001-07-12 08:23:58

WHAT DO U CALL A CHINKY PEDOPHILE???????????? FUCKUMYOUNG HA HA HA HA
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