Prostitute to client: " It's a real business doing pleasure with you!"
A BUTCHER JUST OPENED A SHOP IN THE HIGH STREET. HIS FIRST TEN WOMEN CUSTOMERS GET A FREE GOOSE!
|funny fucker eh|
why do pigeons fly upside down over manchester.
because the mancs arn't worth shitting on
Q:what do you call a yugoslavian prostitute A:slobberdonmeknobthebitch
how does a welshman know when his daughter is on the rag?
his sons cock tastes funny
how many penguins does it take to change a lightbulb?
none. Penguins don't change lightbulbs
what do you get if you cross an anteater with a vibrator?
paddy starts work on a building site.the foreman sez "paddy i want u to supply that brickie over there with cement all day 4 that wall he's building.heres your wheelbarrow dont fuck up coz youre on a one day trial"so paddy does as he is told and works his balls off.at the end of the day the foreman asks paddy how it went.well it was ok but i think theres something wrong wiv me barrow.the foreman asks why so paddy tells him that when he pushes the barrow it goes er,er,er,er(squeaks).the foreman sez right youre sacked.why sez paddy?coz that wheelbarrow is supposed to go er,er,er,er,er,er,er,er,(squeaks faster)
thankyou and i didnt nick that off royston vasey(thats chubby to all u thick fuckers who dont know the worlds greatest comedians real name)
what do u get if u cross a jehovahs witness and a hells angel?
someone who knocks on your door and tells u to fuck off
Q; what have George Michael & Louise Woodward got in common?
A; they both couldn`t wait to get back in Elton.
it was all a big misunderstanding when Sarfraz asked Johnathan Woodgate & Lee Bowyer for a "kick about".
a few years ago i farted & i swear my arse said "POL-POT" to my amazment the very next day i heard about the death of the former "camaer rouge" leader ,on the news. Whilst in the bath last night i again "let one go".......it`s not looking good for Edward Woodward! (stolen from a very old copy of VIZ)
Question......"if i let Jesus into my life, will it affect my council tax?"
This mong goes to an ice-cream van and asks for a cornet. "what flavour?" asks the ice-cream man. "it doesn`t matter.....i`m gonna drop the fucker anyway!" says the mong.
what is Japanese womens favorite day?.....Election day!!
what do you call a charming Paki?...........Azif
Louise Woodward has moved into a new flat.It`s cheap but you couldn`t swing a kid in it!
What did Michael Jackson say to Gary Glitter??....."you couldn`t change a "ten" for two "fives" could you?"
When is it Gary Glitters bed time? ......when the big hand touches the little hand!!
how many Paki`s does it take to change a light bulb?.....FUCK IT! LET`S RIOT!!!!
What did one TAMPAX say to the other TAMPAX?
Nothing, "they are both stuck up bitches!"
why are women married in white???
to blend in with the other kitchen apliances
did you hear about the bloke who fucked a deaf and dumb
girl? he then broke all her fingers so that she could'nt
tell her mum and dad what he'd done!!!
what happened when moby dick got a hard on??
they sent (four skin) divers down
what do you call a lesbian dinosuar?
agrees with thundercloud . I like a laugh but the pakistani ones are not even funny just racist. I am irish and dont mind stupid irish people jokes but the pakistani ones are horrible.
Hey people, some great jokes on here but any chance of a joke without any racism?
did your hear about the blonde who thought head cleaner was
a porno about blow jobs
how does micheal jackson pick his nose?
from a catalogue
is it true barrymore wears y backs
did you hear about the gay milkman,he never leaves an empty
There once was a man called kieth,
who circumsised men with his teeth,
it was'nt for leisure,or sexual pleasure,
but the taste of the cheese underneath.
what do you get after 5 days of wanking??
A HUSBAND TURNS ROUND TO HIS WIFE AND SAYS DO WE LIVE IN A LIGHT HOUSE ? NO WHY ? REPLYS HIS WIFE. BECAUSE EVERYTIME THE PHONE RINGS I PICK IT UP AND SOME BLOKES KEEPS ASKING IF THE COAST IS CLEAR.
The father was in the kitchen playing marbles when one of the bastards got stuck up his nose. Wondering what to do the wife then said go and ask george to get it out he's got skinny fingers. By the way george is the daughters boyfriend. So the father openes the front room door and shouts 'george'. george then jumps up from the sofa and shouts what. by the way he jumped up from on top of the daughter.the father then says erm i heard u got skinny fingers, u couldnt give us a hand gettin this basterd marble out of my nose could ya. yey no probs. well when he gets it out the wife says to george uv got a good pair of hand what do you want to be when your older. the father then interrups and says 'BY THE SMELL OF HIS FINGERS ARE FUCKIN SON IN LAW'
LOUISE WOODWARD IS NOW WORKING AT BURGER KING. EVERY BABY GETS A FREE SHAKE!!!!!!
VIAGRA IS NOW ONLY BEING SOLD OVER THE COUNTER AT CHEMISTS.
CUSTOMERS MUST USE THE PROPER CHEMICAL NAME,