This woman is sitting in train to London in front of this guy with a heavily bearded face. She politely asks if she can feel it! So the guy kindly accepts her wish.
A few minutes later, The guy asks her if HE can feel her pubes. Well she thought, "It only seems fare" and says that he can.
The man bends down and then "WHAM" !! She cracks him one strait in conckers."Hey, you said I could..."
"Yeah" she replies "But I did'nt put my FINGERS in YOUR mouth did I"
Two Pheadphiles sitting on a park bench, when a 13 year old girls walks by, he turns to his mate and says I bet she was a cracker when she was younger
Did you know my grandfather died at austwitch, he fell out of the fucking gun tower.
Whats red and wrapped in newspaper
an abortion of chips
This Paki goes knocks on the gates of heaven and peter comes out and says what do you want, the paki says I want to come in to heaven, what have you done in your life to deserve to come in says peter, well he says I have not caused and riots been a good family man the other week I gave ?10 to oxfam and ?10 to Children in need, hang on mate says peter I need to get higher authority, He goes to see god, god says whats he done to warrant coming in to heaven, Peter says to god, well he's been a good bloke an the other week he did give ?10 to oxfam and ?10 to children in need, god says I tell you what give him back the ?20 and tell him to fuck off.
Some slapper came up to me in the pub the other night and said "Give me 12 inches and make me bleed!"
So i fucked her twice then head butted her!
Heres a golden oldie
What wood don't float?
a farmer had 3 daughters. when they reached their teenaged years they started dating. their father was very warey of the men they went out with. one night all three of the girls were going on a date.
This was the first time this had occurred. As was his custom, he would greet the young suitor at the door holding his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but merely to ensure that the young man knew who was boss.
The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived. Father answered the door and the lad said, "Hi, my name's Joe. I'm here for Flo. We're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The father looked him over and sent the kids on their way.
The next lad arrived and said, "My name's Eddie. I'm here for Betty. We're gonna get some spaghetti. Is she ready?" Father felt this one was okay too, so off the two kids went.
The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door. The boy started off, "Hi, my name's Chuck..." And the farmer shot him.
Everybody who has a dog calls him "Spot", or "REX", or "Fido". I call mine Sexton. Over the years that got shortened to "Sex". Now Sex has been very embarrassing to me.
When I went to city hall to renew his license, I told the clerk I wanted a license for Sex. He said he'd like one too. Then I said this is for a dog, and he said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said you don't understand, I've had Sex since I was nine years old. He said I must have been quite a kid.
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me, and when I checked into my hotel, I told the clerk I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said every room was a special room for Sex. I said you don't understand, Sex keeps me awake at night, and he said me too.i said he didnt understand and that sex was really rough at times. he said he didnt want to know my personal business.
One day I entered a contest, but before the contest began the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was standing there looking around, and I told him I was planning to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold tickets. I said you don't understand, I had hopes of having Sex on TV. He called me a showoff.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog, and I said your honor, I had Sex before I was married, and the judge said me too. Then I told him after I got married Sex left me, and he said me too.
i said even though sex could be really tiresome and wild at times i loved sex. the judge agreed with me.
Last night Sex ran off again, and I spent hours looking for him. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at four o'clock in the morning. I told him I was looking for Sex. My case comes up next Friday
One day a fly was buzzing 6 inches above a ponds surface . But there was also a fish swimming under the fly and the fish though to himself "Once that fly dops 4 iches Im going to jump up and eat it" . On the edge of the pond there was a fisher man and he was eating his lunch , he had some tea and a cheese sandwich and he saw the fish swimming around he though to himslef , "Im going to catch the fish when it jumps for the fly ". There was also a mouse sitting near by and the mouse saw the cheese in the sandwich and he though to himself " when the fly drops 4 inches and the fish jumps for the fly and fisherman puts down his sandwich Im gonig to go get some cheese to eat" , there was one problem for the mouse though , there was a hungry cat getting ready to pounce on the mouse , but at the moment the fly droped 4 inches the fish causght the fly , the fisherman through down his sandwhich and grabbed his net and caught the fish , the mouse ran for the cheese and started to feast , but as the mouse looked around he saw the cat comming up behind him and the mouse ran right for the pond knowing that cats dont like water . The cat chased the mouse and fell right into the water and got all wet !
Whats the moral or this whole story you may ask , well , the moral is that EVERY TIME A FLY DROPS 4 INCHES A PUSSY GETS WET !
One day a little boy came up to his dad and said," Dad can you get aids off a toilet seat?"His dad replied," Only if you sit down before the other guy stands up."
WHEN I WAS BORN, I WAS GOING TO BE NAMED AFTER MY FATHER,BUT DAD IS A FUCKING STUPID NAME FOR A KID.
why do blondes have se through lunchbox lids?????
so they can tell if they are going to work or coming home!!!
my hamster died today,yeah he fell asleep at the wheel!!!
Why are hurricanes named after women?
Because when they arrive, they are wet and wild, and when they leave, they take your house and car
what is the difference between a shower and a blonde bird ?.................the shower has to be turned on before it gets wet
What is Black , White and Red all over?
A freshly whipped NUN!
A day out for a coach load of spastics ended in tradgedy as the coach veered of a 300 foot cliff killing them all.
It took resuers 10 days to recover the coach from the wreckage!
|dixon and kev|
english man irish man scots man walking through the desert.they have been walking for days when they come to this pub.english man goes in and asks for a mince pie.the landlord agrees but says he has to fuck his daughter in aid to get a free mince pie.so the english man goes up stairs and is confronted by a fat ugly lass with a scabby minge.He decides the mincepie is not worth it and leaves.Then the scots man goes in and is told he will have to fuck the daughter to get a free mince pie.he goes up the stairs and sees a fat ugly lass with a scabby minge crying her eyes out.he pulls out his knife and cuts off all of the scabs.he finds an empty crisp packet and fills it with the scabs,he then throws it out of the window.and gets on with the job in hand and consequently collects his reward(the mincepie)the irish man then comes into the pub and the landlord asks if he also wants the mince pie,the irish man says'No thanks i have just had a packet of crisps!'
|dixon and kev|
what do call aprostitute with white eyes?.....full up. >>>>>>>>>> What do you call a prostitute with no legs?.......cash and carry.>>>>>>>>&g do prostitutes wear knickers for?.....to keep their ankles warm.>>>>>>>>>
|dixon and kev|
what do you call a chinese shit shoveler?...whoflungdung >>>>>>>>>> what do you call two pakis in a sleeping bag? twix