| Author | Joke |
gimp
Sco | 2010-05-13 10:30:46
The wife told me to buy something that makes her look Sexy again. So I bought myself 12 cans of lager... |
gimp
Sco | 2010-05-13 10:28:21
My wife was in Stitches not long after I came home from the pub and told her a joke. Next time she'll remember to fucking laugh... |
gimp
Sco | 2010-05-13 10:24:09
when my girlfriend announced that she was pregnant, I took it alright. She however, suffered fractured bones... |
Dmc
England | 2010-05-12 13:32:02
Best joke ever and its only two words (MAN UNITED) |
Glump
Sco | 2010-05-12 09:10:09
There once were two Irishmen, named Shawn and Pat, who were the best of friends. During one particular night of revelry, the two agreed that when one passed on, the other would take and spill the contents of a bottle of fine, Irish whiskey over the grave of the fondly missed and recently dead friend.
And as fate would have it, Shawn would be the first to pass.
Pat, hearing of his friend's illness, came to visit his dear friend one last time.
"Shawn, said Pat, can you hear me?"
Faintly, Shawn replied, "Yes, Paddy, I can."
Bashfully, Pat started, "Do you remember our pact, Shawn?"
"Yes, I do Patty," Shawn strained.
"And, you'll also remember that I was to pour the contents of a fine, old bottle of whiskey over your grave, which we have been saving for, going on 30 years now?" said Pat.
"Yes Patty, I do," whispered Shawn.
"It's a very old bottle now, you know," urged Pat.
"And what are you gettin' at Pat?" asked Shawn, briskly.
"Well Shawn, when I pour the whiskey over your grave, would ya mind if I filter it through my kidneys first?"
|
frankie
england | 2010-05-01 13:29:19
A black man went to the doctors because he couldn't stop running. The doctor but a line of white powder out on the table an told the man to sniff it. "Whats that" asks the black man, "its percil" replies the doctor "stops colours running". |
Jami Dodger
uk | 2010-04-28 13:53:48
At an international medical conference, four doctors were discussing the state of medicine in their respective countries.
The Israeli doctor said, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.'
The German doctor said, 'That's nothing! In Germany, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.'
The Russian doctor said, 'In my country medicine is so advanced, we can take half a heart from one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.'
The English doctor, not to be outdone, said 'Hah!. We can take an arsehole out of Scotland, put him in 10 Downing Street and have half the country looking for work within twenty-four hours!
|
gimp
Sco | 2010-04-24 12:50:07
George Clooney is set to star in a Movie about Gary Glitters life.It's called' Oh-she's eleven'...... |
gimp
Sco | 2010-04-24 12:46:21
My wife is an excellent time keeper.I've lost two watches while fisting her... |
gimp
Sco | 2010-04-24 12:43:51
My wife asked if she could have some scrambled eggs in the morning. So I kicked the Cunt in the Ovaries.... |
Boss of Bosses
UK | 2010-04-23 14:25:26
I ordered a Chinese takeaway the other night and when the flatface turned up I asked him how much I owed him. He said "£20" so I said "whats the name of Jordans monged up son?" He said "Halfey Plice" so I said "great, here's a tenner now fuck off"... |
Dr Fettish
British | 2010-04-23 12:07:27
Cheryl Cole turned up at Heathrow today to be told she can't fly because of ash, she said, "What's that black cunt done now??" |
Peter
England | 2010-04-23 07:34:01
I nearly shit myself the other day, I was in this bar when a man ran in shouting "Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah, Alava bag of crisps please" the stuttering bastard.... |
Peter
England | 2010-04-23 07:30:05
police in london have found a bomb outside a mosque, they told the public not to panic as they managed to push it INSIDE. |
Peter
England | 2010-04-23 07:26:14
Gatwick airport has been closed after a massive cloud of dust drifted in 2 uk airspace! The cleaner of the Arsenal trophy cabinet has now been arrested |
Peter
England | 2010-04-23 07:25:03
Felt sorry 4 the hypnotist I saw last night.He hypnotised 7 men then dropped the mic on his foot &yelled "Fuck Me"... What happened next will haunt me 4ever! |
bradgb
uk | 2010-04-22 18:30:26
My mate asked me if I liked Scouting for girls? I said "Too right I do" How the fuck was I to know he meant the band!?! |
CLAIRE
YORKSHIRE | 2010-04-17 19:47:56
WHATS THE DIFFERENT BETWEEN AN ICELANTIC VOLCANO AND CHERYL COLE?
THE IELANIC VOLCANO IS STILL BLOWING ASH |
stephen mc grady
a scot in wales | 2010-04-17 13:31:49
I once took this girl out and when she turned up she had this frilly blouse on, with a skirt that had fur around the bottom of it. so we got talking and I asked her "why have you got fur round the bottom of your skirt". she said "it keeps my neck warm", |
Digital Genocide
ENGLAND | 2010-04-17 07:29:27
What's yellow and stands in a field shouting 'Looney! Looney! Looney! ?
Park Ji-Sung......... |
