| Author | Joke |
adam holland
uk | 2010-04-15 18:02:08
police in london have found a bomb outside a mosque, they told the public not to panic as they managed to push it INSIDE. |
zippo
england | 2010-04-14 09:19:25
Two Sheep talking in a field.
One sheep says BHAAARR.
The other replies "you bastard I was going to say that". |
Dr Fettish
British | 2010-04-13 13:53:52
I was in B&Q the other day and bumped in to Cheryl Cole & Dawn French, apparently they were shopping for spades.... |
kevin waring
england | 2010-04-12 07:01:48
there was a man from leeds who ate a load of seed within an hour hes dick was a flour and hes balls were covered in weeds |
tommy boy
espana | 2010-04-11 12:57:07
Me nan and grand dad were at the doctors. Nan has to do the translating as grandads rather death.
Doctor suggested doing grandads blood pressure and listen to his chest. Grandad said whats he want to do, gran explains he needs to listen to your chest and check your blood pressure oh replys grandad.
Doctor then requests that a blood sample and a swab in the mouth would be good to get some tests done. Grandad again being death says whats he want to do now... take some blood and and a sample of your spit, oh oK grandad replies.
Finally the doctor suggests that a urine and stool sample would be good if he can supply one. Grandad again shouts what the fuck now... grandma replies he needs to borrow your pajama bottoms.. |
Gruffalo
Wales | 2010-04-09 17:53:18
Tip for the Grand National- CREOSOTE @ 7/1.....
Good over fences! |
Gruffalo
Wales | 2010-04-09 17:50:50
What do you call a woman with a spade up her arse?
I dunno either, but it ain't Dawn French any more! |
DW
UK | 2010-04-07 15:24:42
Lenny Henry and Dawn French split up. He must've gone off with someone to a holiday inn. |
sausage
| 2010-04-07 14:10:57
Looks like Lenny Henry and Dawn French are splitting-up. Poor woman, she’s got a lot on her plate. |
DW
UK | 2010-04-05 08:33:34
5 things you'll never hear a man say:
*1: You're not sucking this.
*2: Get the condoms i hate riding bareback.
*3: Turn that football off i was watching Emmerdale.
*4: Here's me wallet, help ya fucking self.
*5: Pamela Anderson's not half as sexy as you. |
Vic
Norway | 2010-04-01 11:06:18
Comic Releif is launched again today. They keep on about africans who live in mud huts and have to walk five hours each day just to get water. Is it me, or would you move the fucking huts ? |
Mike
England | 2010-03-30 11:59:07
Fucking British Rail at it again! The sign said if I stand to close to the edge I might be sucked off. Fucking 4 hours wasted :-( |
mike
England | 2010-03-30 11:56:41
"I'M JUST FINE" really means I'm just F*cked up, Insecure, Neurotic & Emotional (F.I.N.E) |
Mike
England | 2010-03-30 11:55:22
spider spider on the wall you think your smart you know fuck all your on a wall that's just been plastered now your suck you silly BASTARD... HA HA... |
DW
UK | 2010-03-30 11:31:58
My friend likes to shag male lamas. He even changed his name to Ramalamasdingding. |
Jack Frost
United Kingdom | 2010-03-30 03:56:15
I was at me local Mosque changing the Magazines a tear in my eyes.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Me FUCKING RIFLE JAMMED. |
jokester
United Kingdom | 2010-03-29 18:38:18
one day a small cat was sitting hungry by a river when a small chipalata sausage came flowing past....the cat used his paw to get the chipalata and managed to not even get it wet. The cat was happy! The next day the day was equally as hungry when a larger sausage came flowing past in the river, the cat dipped its paw in to get the sausage and only got its paw marginally wet, the cat was happy! The next day the cat was absolutely starving when a massive frankfurt wopper came flowing past..the cat dipped his paw in to get it but fell in! However the cat retrieved the sausage and was happy. the moral or the story is.............the bigger the sausage....the wetter the pussy! |
gimp
Sco | 2010-03-28 15:18:34
The wife said she was bored and that we don't go out anymore, so just like the old times in the 70s, I took her out clubbing. We got 4 Pakis, 3 Wogs and a Pole,... |
DW
UK | 2010-03-28 14:35:32
I was really upset when i found my wife bleeding on the foor. I was even more upset when i found out she'd just been having a period when she'd been sleeping. |
gimp
Sco | 2010-03-28 03:32:56
I bought some Quality Street last night and my wife kept pestering me to share. She spent ages sucking on the Big Purple One.....then we shared the Chocolates... |
